Telemarketing

“Hello, is the lady of the house available?”

“Not right now, she ain’t, but her parole hearin’ is tomorrow, come dinner time, and what with her finally gettin’ her GED an’ all, I think she’s got a better chance of gettin’ paroled. This here’s her fifth try, and I figger she’s ready.

What’s yer number… ?

I’ll have her give you a call either from here, or the cellblock.”

“Hello, may I talk to the lady of the house?”

(sniff, sniff) I’m sorry, brother, you can’t. Oh, damn, man, she’s drinking again. Hard. She sold my pickup, pawned the dog and snorkeled down all the Listerine. It’s bad this time…..(sniff sniff). I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go back into the feed store again. Just (sniff-sniff) proves all that anger management stuff don’t work. What the hell did them little rabbits and ducks ever do to her? They’ll arrest her again by tonight.

You want her to give you a call back?”

“Good evening, Sir, how are you this evening?”

“Not good. My dog is pregnant again, and to tell you the truth, we can’t afford her, let alone the herd of puppies she’s gonna have. My truck is getting some water in the oil, and they cut me back to three days a week at the mill. All of a sudden my daughter has this thing for tattooed guys, and my son feels the need to ‘express himself’ with flowers. The wife’s mother fell and broke a hip, so she’ll be movin’ in with us in a few days, and that damn rash I been fighting for all these years is coming back strong. The IRS told me they want me to ‘explain’ most of the deductions I’ve taken over the past nine years, and now, my wife’s three weeks late……”