Grumpy 101

I bet everyone knows, or has known someone, who is just plain grumpy. Dismal, disgruntled, dissatisfied, displeased, depressed, down, despondent, dejected …. you know—grumpy.

These are the folks who will not only make a compelling case for the half empty glass, but emphatically predict that whatever is in it… is either too warm, too cold, too sour or way too sweet.

They’ll leap at the opportunity to predict the number of bugs floating in it, and wonder aloud just how long it’s been sitting there.

You know them…you know you do. Hey, you might even be one.

They will predict that your garden to wilt, your paint to peel, your hairline to recede, your waist-line to increase, your property values will plummet as your taxes soar, and that your dog to have fleas…lots of fleas. The truth be known...they want you to get fleas, too. They bemoan the rising cost of everything and ridicule the need for anything.

They’re grumpy.

They seem so caught up in their own lack of whatever, that they want your reserves of whatever to recede, shrink and diminish at a slightly more rapid rate than their own.

You’ve probably seen the skill with which they suck the life out of a room, as they tirelessly search for the one minuscule, fluffy, slightly-darkened cloud, parked somewhere beyond the horizon. They will be the one to find the only lump of puppy poo within 20 miles, and immediately begin to bemoan the existence of all things canine.

You can identify them by their omnipresent scowl, furrowed brow, and clenched fists. Their blood-pressure reads like a West Coast ZipCode, and determining their cholesterol requires calculus. They appear as if the fate of mankind balances on their next decision. Like I said…grumpy.

The bottom line?

These are the folks who would have bitched about the color of Titanic’s lifeboats.

So, you’re thinking, what makes these people so…well…grumpy?

I don’t know.

Some remember/recall/recollect only the losses of their life, while others diligently strive to keep a detailed score of the pros and cons of their existence…mostly the cons. They believe (incorrectly) that life must be fair, and they’re determined to keep a close count on the wins and losses. They miss the fact that score-keeping insures one winner and a whole bunch of losers.

Maybe, just maybe, happiness, or even the slightest suggestion that it might exist, may present too large a challenge--too large a responsibility, for these lost souls. Everyone always wants to know, 'what are you so happy about'? Most folks don't get past the snarl to ask the resident grump why they're so damn miserable.

I only have one tiny clue to add to the ultimate solution.

Most of us have a great deal of difficulty being around these harbingers of hopelessness. It seems they sorta wear on the nerves a squeench*, and erode our illusion of bliss, as they euphemistically pee in our pool.

They are miserable, and it seems they’ve bought into the whole ‘misery loves company’ thing. They’ve polished grump-isity to an unsullied sheen, and are abso-damn-lutely positive the next bird will soon unload on it. Since the atmosphere around them is a tad unpleasant, most sane people tend to find excuses, reasons and justifications (both factual and fictitious) to avoid their company.

I’m thinking it’s gotta be damn tough trudging through life, carrying the weight of the world, while diligently keeping score, forever positioned directly beneath a black cloud, on the rocky, uneven path that leads perpetually straight uphill, and, to do it alone...all without someone to help shoulder the burden.

The question is… are they grumpy because they’re lonely, or lonely because they’re grumpy?

*squeench (adj) a tiny amount (one of my Dad’s favorite non-words)