Certified Organic Rocks

Organic rocks

A short time ago, I acquired a substantial number of Certified Organic/Vegan rocks. Recent, extensive, and incredibly expensive landscaping projects on my spacious estate, unearthed the collection. It is important to note that not only were the rocks harvested in accordance with the guidelines established by the International Organic/Vegan Rock and Fossil Coalition (IORVFC), but that the harvest took place directly adjacent to a Nation Wildlife Refuge in the American state of Oregon. Naturally, all harvesting assets used were certified as “Recycled.”

Please understand, these rocks are the real thing. Each has been gently sculpted by the time-tested, totally organic efforts of Mother Earth.

Individual rocks may differ in size, shape, color or weight, but each is the real deal-- a totally organic rock. Forty percent of the collection is currently being scrutinized by IORVFC experts to ascertain whether they are, in fact, to be classified as the ultra-rare “Old Growth Organic.”

To offset the expenses incurred with the landscaping project and the harvesting of this extraordinary cache, I might be reluctantly persuaded to part with a diminutive portion of the collection, but only to serious collectors, and, of course, at the non-negotiable prices established by the IORVFC.

I am currently in the process of preparing the collection for viewing by prospective buyers. In keeping with tradition, the collection will not be available for public viewing or purchase. As prescribed by the guidelines established by the IORVFC, viewing for prospective buyers will be between 2:10 thru 3:20p.m., each Thursday in May.

An IORVFC Executive Committee, as per protocol, will convene the last Wednesday of the year, in Oslo, Norway, to appraise the merit of each buyer, and, if judged worthy, will determine which Organic Rock the successful buyer will receive. The Committee will also ascertain which additional fees and charges will be levied. Needless to say, committee decisions are final and absolute.

A collection like this comes along, if you’re fortunate, perhaps once in a lifetime. This is your opportunity to view, and perhaps, take the first step towards adding another jewel to your collection.

Please respond to this advertisement by email. Please include your IORVFC Membership number and a brief description of your collection. In due course, if your credentials are in order, you will be advised, by courier, of your allotted viewing time. In accordance with the non-negotiable IORVFC guidelines, assigned viewing times are inviolate and will be deemed, quite naturally, sub-rosa.

Organic rocks.

Pure, natural, and recyclable.

The Earth’s oldest and most lasting treasure.

Squirt me an email. We'll rock!