Snorp's gotta go

Snorp's gotta go......!

In spite of my best efforts, I need to find a new home for my trusted companion, partner-in-crime, and borderline best friend... my dog, Snorp.

Snorp is the squalid, highly disreputable product of countless generations of worms, inbreeding and general mental instability. He is a chronic liar, and has been known drink and drive. He tips the scale at about 100 pounds, but probably only weighs about 40 pounds after he sheds.

After he and I had several long and emotional conversations, I had him neutered a few years ago. Something didn’t work right, because he’s sired at least 4 litters since then. His vet said he undoubtedly has an extra set of junk aboard, but I can’t afford the extra surgery. There has always been an underlying romantic streak in him, which, apparently, the ladies find irresistible.

He’s really good with kids and farm animals, but has a nasty little habit of shredding cats. I'm serious; it gets very, very nasty. My brother and I used to keep count of his ‘cat-wacks’ but gave up after 31. Cat abuse is one of his most abysmal character flaws, and he is, to be quite honest, totally unrepentant, and completely lacking in remorse.

He’s an excellent guard dog. He lays, unconscious, in a puddle of gelatinous drool, just outside the front door and scares the pee-water out of anyone walking up the drive.

He'd love to be an inside dog, but you’ll want to keep him outside as much as possible. He’ll hose down the couch, the plants, guests and anything else he can heist a leg on inside the house. If you mess at all with his diet he'll reward you with some WMD grade gas. You need to be really careful.

Yeah, he has an ongoing problem with worms, but, hey, who doesn't?

In an attempt to address a delicate subject which seems to drive a goodly portion of this guy's personality… I’ll simply say one highly descriptive word--‘humper.’ You do the math.

I'll sweeten the offer with a full month of his meds, and give you the name of his vet. She’s grown wealthy treating him.

I hate to get rid of him, but he needs a home of his own which will be more sensitive to his unique needs and problems.

If ‘Snorp"’ sounds like a good fit for you, squirt me an email and we’ll arrange the move.

I could use some re-homing cash, but we'll talk about that after you've met your new pooch.