It began seven years ago as a joke, when, in an attempt to weasel out of his share of the bar bill, Farley McVee quite literally sang for his supper. The true measure of Farley’s hearing issues were exposed that evening, when his raspy, totally undisciplined singing sucked the last vestiges of dignity from Queen’s epic, “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
During
Farley’s 17 minute performance, milk curdled, beer went flat, dogs whined,
lettuce wilted and car batteries for 100 yards died. The bartender and all but
5 of the customers fled in the face of Farley’s vocal-stylings.
The Tavern
remained hushed for several minutes after Farley concluded his vocal gymnastics.
Finally, Dexter Green, with tears in his eyes, said, “Damn, Farley, I’ve heard
better damn sounds coming out of a damn gutted moose. I’ll pay your damn tab if
you promise not to sing again—and what the hell do you mean when you say, gotta moosh, gotta moosh, can you do the
fandango ”?
Since then,
the Alpine Tavern has become a Mecca for the talented of South Benton County,
as they go head-to-head, in the annual “Alpine Idol” competition.
Over the
years, the rules have changed. Sheep shearing was added during the third season,
with full-contact crocheting being introduced in season five. Last season’s
proposed Cat-skeet shooting project never got off the drawing board, when over
75 auditions were requested. The disturbing audition tapes submitted, left
little doubt to the entertainment trend sweeping the community.
Who knew?
Dexter and
Scooter James are the full time judges, with a series of ‘guest judges’ wandering
in and out throughout the season. Dexter’s habit of spitting on the boots of
any judges who disagree with him, keeps the judge pool fluid and fast-stepping.
Farley was
crowned the first season winner, effectively barring him from ever competing
again. Most afternoons, Dex and Scooter can be found closely studying the Ellen show, searching out new, innovative
musical and entertainment trends.
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