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Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Savoir Faire

 Free Lectures

Although it’s taken me years to fully comprehend the depth of his intellectual abilities, I now realize my neighbor knows all there is to know about virtually everything. 

Without the encumbrance of any formal, higher education, (beyond a badly mangled GED) he has developed an implicit, encyclopedic mastery of every conceivable facet of life. 

From world history, to the intimate workings and motivations of the human mind (mostly mine), to the intricacies of contemporary geopolitical and the socioeconomic realities, he’s got all the bases covered.

Whether you require an impromptu, on-the-spot, all-inclusive dissertation on the development, refinement and production of the internal combustion engine, or a down-to-the-bones explanation of the subtle nuances of effective child-rearing, from the dawn of civilization… he’s the expert.

Need an explanation of the DNA level,
intellectual functions of NASCAR pit crew acolytes? 
You got it?

Have a couple gaps in your full understanding of the provocative 
correlation between Tartan plaid and the String Theory? 
No longer.

Want to explore the relationship between organic, 
free-range snowflakes and the untimely demise of the Aztec empire? 
Just ask.

Unlike other, less competent subject matter experts, my neighbor finds supporting references and documentation unnecessary—and far too encumbering.  His lectures are so in-depth, concise, and water-tight, wayward errors simply do not stand a chance, and dissolve in the white-hot light of his intellect.

I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime…the opportunity of several lifetimes.

Free (yes, I said free) lectures, on any imaginable subject,
delivered in-person, by my neighbor.

The bitter truth is, although for lo, these many years, he has blessed me with an unending torrent of insightful, knowledge-laden lectures, lessons and pep-talks, I have arrived at the sorrowful realization that I lack the intellectual prowess necessary to benefit from his jaw-dropping intellect.


My loss is your gain. He’s certainly changed my life, now I’d like for him to change the lives of others.

Any others.

His ring tome is the Village People's Macho Man
and he answers with a decisive, "Go!."

Prepare to have the path of your life forever altered.

 Squirt me an email. I’ll pencil you in.

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