My first clue was the uniquely sweet aroma of Aqua-Velva
after shave. It had been my Dad’s weapon of choice, and I kept a bottle of it
in memory of him.
My second clue, was that I detected the aroma long before I
got inside the house. Blinking and hacking a little, I unlocked the front door
and stepped in. Accompanying the wafting aroma was the deep, rumbling tones of
Barry White’s classic, “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Baby.”
That’s when I knew that my dog, Snorp, was gearing up for an
evening with the ladies.
Over the years, Snorp has developed a reputation as a bit of
a ladies’ man. Personally, I think he’s gone out of the way to embellish his
prowess with those to whom he refers as “the wenches.” His embellishments come
in the form of lies. Although I’ve never seen him in action, word on the street
is that he has the tact and demeanor of Kamikaze pilot, once he gets the lady
of interest in his sights.

Some of the bubbles are the result of his preferred bath
conditioner (Mr. Bubble). The rest of the bubbles are more organic in nature,
and seem to increase in number in direct proportion to the degree of Snorp’s
in-bath relaxation.
Steam fills the bathroom, blurs the mirrors and loosens the
wallpaper , as Snorp adds his penetrating tenor to Motown’s classic music. No
song is safe, and lately he’s begun to experiment, blending the lyrics of Buck
Owens to the rap styling of Biggie Small’s “Spit Your Game.”
With Michael Bolton wailing, “When A Man Loves A Woman,” in
the background, Snorp splashed on another near-lethal dose of Aqua-Velva, and
hit me up for an extra fifty bucks. “Runnin’ a little behind, Boss,” me
muttered, and hit the back door at a full sprint.

I knew without looking that the tub wasn’t going to drain. I’d
learned the hard way that Snorp lost loads of fur in every bath. I figured if I
used the yard rake, I could skim off the first dozen or so pounds of soggy, matted
hair.
I walked to the refrigerator, got a beer, and wandered out to sit on the
couch. The Manhattans were raising the romantic
ante with, “Shining Star.”
I knew the rest of my
evening would be filled with clumps of wet, overly conditioned dog hair, washer
and dryer filters plugged with the offending fur, and the combined bouquet
of Aqua-Velva, Mr. Bubble, soggy dog hair and Baby-Soft conditioner.
Anybody want a dog?
http://beenflaggedoncraigslist.blogspot.com/
You always entertain.
ReplyDeleteI'll take him!
ReplyDelete