I need work. I need money. I need it now.

If you’re looking for an experienced multi-talented multi-tasker, I’m your man. I am clean, thrifty, honest, obedient, fearless, humble, wise, skilled, courageous, devoted, humorous, focused and completely selfless. I am an accomplished ballroom dance instructor, a four octave yodeler, and a snappy dresser.

I am always immaculately groomed.

I have been called, "boyishly charming."

I travel well, eat lightly, drink sparingly, and have impeccable social skills. I can plan weddings, basketball tournaments, formal dinners, insurrections, community events, coup d'états, skeet shoots, blood drives and bingo parties. I have experience in early childhood education, bovine management, high-altitude mountain rescue, sign painting and floral arrangement. I am a certified Tango instructor and have a concealed weapon permit.

I am the original SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy).

I am a long division expert, published author, dedicated drywall installer and a bondable break dancer. I can hit a curve ball, and have twice attended the World Curling Championships, and have been decorated on the field of battle. I have extensive experience in all facets of fish-farming, pet grooming, explosive ordinance, and plumbing repair.


I own three tuxedos and know all the words to
“Bohemian Rhapsody.”

I weep on command.

I am kind to children and am not repulsed by the wafting, decomposing aroma of the elderly. I am an experienced dog-walker, fish-feeder and cat-flosser. I bring order to a chaotic world and am a much admired omelet chef. I am a certified Combat Medic. I have the patience of Job, the grace of Mother Theresa, and the court-awareness of Pistol Pete.


I do crossword puzzles in ink, calibrate computers and have been known to quell riots with a single stern glance.


I show up ready to work and enjoy making coffee, roses, slow dancing in the dark, and long walks in the rain. I was a Ranger Honor Graduate. I have the uncanny ability to seamlessly realign my moral agenda to perfectly match yours. I work well with others and willingly share. I was a four sport high school athlete, and although graduation was over 40 years ago, I still have a few good games left.

I have good teeth.


I am your man. If you need it done, it will be completed--perfectly—before you have the time to ask.

I file flawlessly, type tirelessly, bowl beautifully, sing superbly, fight ferociously, write wittily, conserve conscientiously and sparkle splendidly.

If you need it done, I can do it.
If I can’t do it, you don’t need it done.

Squirt me an email and let me know how I may ever-so-humbly serve you and
alter the path of your life.

I am oh, so patiently awaiting your call.